When Slut Shaming Becomes Victim Blaming

This evening, while doing my usual social media check-in I ran across this video and girl, it hit home. Especially on this cold wintery day in New York City in my dance teacher travels. Each time I walked out today, I was suited in my down coat complete with furry hood that practically covers my eyes, and on the bottom all that was visible: my baggy high water sweat pants and clogs -- all black everything. Despite my covered and not particularly attractive attire I received a total of: one (1) "Hey Baby," two (2) "psst psst," and one (1) assertive "Hey Sexy," as if he were addressing me by name. I could have been wearing a potato sack, or the most revealing red dress on earth -- it wouldn't matter. The harassment comes all the same.

I mention this because earlier this year during the creative process for The Window Sex Project, I got into some deep discussions with my dancers about how much sexy is too much sexy? which led to this post: Causing to Stumble by cast member Alexandra Joye Warren. Part of this post questions a woman's responsibility to not provoke a man - in this case by not wearing revealing clothes; but as we see with my above anecdote, the disrespect comes regardless of dress.

This is what I look like walking down the street.

Enter Laci Green's vlog below on slut shaming. The reason it hits home for me is because blaming women who wear revealing clothes for the harassment and assault they experience is slut shaming-turned-victim blaming. We often judge a woman's choice to wear revealing or tight-fitting clothes as a marker of low self-esteem, no self-respect and or make assumptions about her sexuality (some version of she's a "bad girl"), none of which may be true. Wearing that outfit could be her well thought out choice.  

I am in no way advocating that we teach girls and women to be ignorant of what certain clothing choices traditionally communicate to society; however, I am advocating that once women understand this, that we allow them to make their own choices, and respect them as individuals for that.

My favorite part of Laci's analysis is this: "slut shame is not about self respect." She says,

"Here are some things that have to do with how much you respect yourself: standing up for yourself, making your own decisions, not putting up with people's bull sh*t. Things that have nothing to do with how much you respect yourself: what kind of sex you have, what kind of clothes you wear, what kind of make up you put on... What our society needs to learn ASAP is how to respect other people's safe, consensual choices." 

I couldn't agree more Laci. It is my human right to dress as I please... bundled up in the winter, and lots of skin in the summer. Neither, however, is permission to treat me as a sexual object, or assume to know something about me and my sexuality.

See more of Laci's awesome commentary: